Over the last twelve months most of my clients came to me with two dominant problems; overwhelm and shame. It was so prolific that after finishing a recent client meeting, I thought, “We’ve got to talk about money shame.”

The stories I heard vary from woman to woman, but the underlying narrative goes something like this;

“I’m x years old and I didn’t make a decision about my money OR made the wrong decision with my money OR had someone else do something with my money…and it turned out badly”.

“Now, at my age, I’m not even close to where I want to be financially and I have this money story hanging over me. It’s so embarrassing and frustrating. I feel so dumb, and inadequate. I’m overwhelmed and stuck. I think it may be too late for me. It would be humiliating if people knew my story.”

With all that Self-Blame, guess what happens?

A form of paralysis and avoidance sets in. Fear hops into the driver’s seat, which is never good news. Can you relate?

The real problem

This issue is so prevalent that I want to share three insights I’ve gained after years of working with women who are set back by feelings of financial shame.

If parts of this ring true for you, by the way, then you definitely want to keep reading, because I’m going to share some good news.

1. Isolation

Because talking about money openly is still cursedly taboo in so many circles, women end up dealing with all their financial experiences alone.

When something doesn’t go as planned with their money, or they get a nasty surprise, or when they find that they didn’t do something that would have been in their best financial interest, many women immediately head over to the land of Shame and Embarrassment.

Because they think that they are the only ones who have made those mistakes or found themselves in that type of situation.

They think, “I’m the only woman of my age who…

• still doesn’t earn a decent amount,
• racked up credit card balances and am now struggling with debt,
• got taken to the cleaners by an ex and now I’m left to pick up the pieces
• still doesn’t have my financial sh*t together – at my age

The advantage I have is that I’ve talked to thousands of women about the state of their finances – and their financial past. I’ve seen their books and heard their stories.

Here’s the reality: making money mistakes isn’t an exception; it’s the rule.

If I were to publish the details of every single case of money shame I’ve encountered in my professional life, you would quickly learn that you are in good company.

Whatever you did, didn’t do, forgot to do, overlooked, avoided, ignored, or got caught by, you can rest assured that there is a heap of women in exactly the same boat.

You are definitely not alone.

2. Lack of Education

This brings me to my second point.

The reason so many women don’t make financial choices that are in their best interest is that they don’t know better.

We are taught all kinds of things at school – history, calculus, and Shakespeare – but not how to use one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal: MONEY!

And who’s teaching the few courses that do exist?

There are so many so-called experts out there spruiking they have the solution to all the money problems of the world.

From manifesting money to getting rich overnight schemes, no risk, no down payment, and maximum returns with little or no experience, what a load of sh*t!!

The problem with the world today is that everyone wants the quick fix, the magic pill, they don’t want to do the hard work, they don’t want to believe that it takes time, patience, and perseverance to build wealth over time, real wealth that provides a life of choice not the shiny stuff that people think is wealth.

So, it’s not sexy, it’s vanilla and probably boring for most, sorry to break the news to you but there it is, that is how you create true wealth and if someone like myself can learn this then everyone else can.

My experience in educating my clients

I wanted to build a platform that every woman could access for life, one that had all of the financial resources she needed to learn, grow and succeed. I built the education program first so she could learn and grow over time. It’s a complete online digital system that explores your experience and environment and uncovers your mindset in order to prepare you for the money skills in planning investments, exploring debt & leverage, and securing wealth protection. The program’s strength is based on the Execution plan which brings all the learnings together in one final action plan. Your journey doesn’t end there, you are supported by a collective of members who meet regularly to review and refine their plans on an ongoing basis.

As a financial expert who has helped thousands of women transform their finances and go from stuck to confident and secure, I know the value of this program it is life-changing. It is my life’s work.

3. We tend to blame ourselves

One of the things that struck me when I worked with couples was the way that each partner framed their financial issues.

Men had a tendency to blame external factors: the economy, their boss, bad luck, and so on. Women had a tendency to blame themselves – as though the problem is that they are deficient in some way.

They would say, “I’m bad at math, never been good with money, made stupid choices, just can’t wrap my head around money management, I lack discipline.”

It’s hard not to feel shame and embarrassment if you believe in your bones that you are the problem. That somehow if you had just been better in some way, you wouldn’t be stuck.

See the problem here?

Blaming yourself when what is really the issue is a lack of education, skills (from practice), and confidence (from repeated action), is the equivalent of berating a toddler for sucking at walking.

Of course, toddlers suck at walking – they’re just figuring it out! We don’t hold that process of learning against them.

And they certainly don’t think less of themselves because they keep falling. They’re just so excited about taking steps on their own that they usually smile the whole time!

What if we were to take that approach to learn how to deal with money and financial challenges?

The good news

It is possible to get out from the nasty clutches of money shame.

All those clients I talked about?

Josie was able to let go of debilitating beliefs about herself + shame from the past to wipe out five figures of corrosive debt, more than double her income, start investing, and show up confidently in discussions with her spouse. She even got him excited about tackling their finances!

Linda was able to get past a traumatic issue around financial betrayal to finally face her finances, implement a money management system, and free up money to start traveling again.

Sharon got past twenty years of generational money trauma to, as she put it, “finally take control of her money”. She’s paid off tens of thousands of dollars of debt and is growing her wealth through increased savings and investments. She no longer feels “less than”.

Karen stepped past fear to tackle her finances, something she had avoided for more than twenty years. After setting healthier boundaries, implementing my simple money system, and learning to invest, she and her husband are excited about their future for the first time in decades.

What did it take?

1. Looking at their situation without judgement

2. Understanding that their past does not define their future.

3. Letting go of judgement and blame.

4. Filling in their knowledge and skills gaps.

5. Doing the work, with support.

6. Creating an accountability system to stay on track.

It’s springtime for a fresh start

Is shame part of your relationship with money?

Shame thrives in secrecy, so share your money shame.

Whatever you’re feeling, you’re not alone

Need help? Reach out. I’ll be your guide.

I know the path out of money shame.

Don’t for a moment accept shame and embarrassment.

You deserve better than that.

I’m Tracey Sofra and I believe women should take control of their money and create the financial independence they deserve to live a life of choice.

If you are ready to take the next step in your journey to live a life of choice take the Financial Confidence Quiz and find out how you score to move forward in your financial life.